Single mom burnout is a real thing, y'all. Ok, yes, it can be any mom burnout but it seems to come that much more quickly for single moms.
It's no secret that being a single mom is tough. You're constantly juggling a million different things and trying to keep everything together. It's easy to forget about taking care of yourself when you're so busy taking care of everyone else. But it's important to remember that you can't pour from an empty cup. You need to take care of yourself so that you can be the best mom you can be.
Story Time!
I recently found myself with a whole Saturday to myself, as my daughter was with her dad. And I had been feeling it, the single mom burnout was fierce! Now, I hadn't had a full day to myself in about six or seven weeks and so I was a little bit giddy about all the organizing I could do! No, I'm not one of those people who love organizing; in fact, I hate it. But, my room and desk had become complete chaos and I wanted time to corral the paperwork and miasma. So, that's what I thought I would be doing that day. But, my man called me and asked if I wanted a brief respite from the mess by going to a cute lake town (which is about 1.5-2 hours away) for the day.
What should I do? (multiple choice)
A) stay home and sort the mess
B) go with my man and have fun
C) stay home and binge watch something
Well, have you guessed what I did?
Oooohh ooohhh is it B??!! It is! You win the prize!
Ok, sorry, there is no prize except yourself, you fine thing! 😉
But yes, I went to the cute lake town and I had so much fun looking at cutesy shops, eating delicious foods, and taking a dip in the lake (you didn't think I'd go all the way there and not go in the lake, did you? Oh, if there is a lake in the summer, I'm going in the lake!) Also, I got to spend some quality time with my man and do something different than just a hurried dinner with him. We got to learn more about each other and get a little happiness and sunshine. It was a perfect day!
How to Kick Single Mom Burnout to the Curb!
So, I'm going to start off with my #1 recommendation, which may be a shocking one for some of you. Have fun!
Have fun. That is my recommendation. It's actually your homework and I want a report back by next Wednesday! (There, does that make you more motivated to do it?)
#1 Have Fun to Stop Single Mom Burnout!
Sounds simple doesn't it? It's not! You may be thinking, but what if the kids never go to stay with their dad? Ok, you can still do it. So, here's what you can do: Go get a piece of paper. Try actual paper, please. Write a list of all the things you like to do for fun. Then scootch over to the right side of the paper and write a list of all the things your kids like to do for fun. Then you can look at them both and see if any match or are similar. You can also do a Venn Diagram if you want but I don't want you to be confined by a circle (unless that's your idea of a good time.) Then, see if you can think of a place or situation where both of your wildest dreams can come true!
Ok, so here is an example for me. I love animals and they make me happy. My daughter also loves animals, plus loves being outside and needs lots of exercise. So we try to go often to a nearby farm that is sort of like a petting zoo plus huge so she can run around and take breaks to pet the lambs.
If you don't make time for fun, a little part of you dies! That's single mom burnout! No, for real, I get really cranky when I haven't been having enough fun!
Time to Yourself or For Yourself
Make time for yourself every day, even if it's just 10 minutes. Whether it's reading, taking a bath, or going for a walk, make sure you're doing something just for you. You can even do it when the kids are in bed, if you have littles who require constant attention during the day (been there, done that.) This will help you relax and refocus after a long day of parenting.
There are a few really great articles on the world wide web outlining more tips on how to take care of yourself to avoid single mom burnout. They are from Verywellmind here, from Motherhood Reimagined here, and from Harvard Business Review here.
Say Yes to Yourself, No to Others
Part of avoiding single mom burnout is saying yes to yourself and no to others. The sections above kinda cover saying yes to yourself, by taking time to take care of yourself, have fun, etc.
But saying No to others is just as important for combating single mom burnout! Another way it has been described has been as having boundaries. Ugh, I know boundaries. Yes, lots of us who have been in therapy for awhile have heard of boundaries, may have even tried boundaries and still sometimes don't know what the heck are boundaries or how do we do them, etc. It is just a nice word for saying No! That is really one of the simplest boundaries.
So, next time someone asks you to do something and you are not getting paid or finding any joy in it, why don't you say no? I guarantee there is someone else who can do it! But, what if they get offended? Well, here's where you pull the single mom card: things have been crazy with my daughter and trying to fit work in so I am not doing x, y, z.
You can even lay it on thick and make them really re-think bugging you about lots of stuff by saying: You know, when my husband left me, I really didn't have much help and I am all my daughter has. I'm sure you understand how hard it must be to be a single mom.
Ok, maybe you don't have to lay it on that thick but you can be pretty blunt about it if you want! Also, you don't owe them any explanation.
Remember:
“No.”
Is a complete sentence!
When All Else Fails, Get a Babysitter to Avoid Single Mom Burnout
This can be free, such as close friends (if they see you are losing it, they will be happy to do it for a couple of hours!) and family. Or, a small amount of money. For more ideas on this, please see my other post on affordable childcare here.
Sum it Up: How to Kick to the Curb Single Mom Burnout!
- Have fun! By yourself or with your kids
- Time to yourself
- Say yes to yourself and no to others
- Get a babysitter occasionally
- Get on my email list for more tips and tricks lady!